Opening Your Door, Holding Your Hand
by Morethanthespare
Summary: "I know how… intimidating it feels. I mean… I didn't expect you, at all." Snippets from the life of Owen and Amelia. TBC. Canon up to 11x18.
1. Chapter 1

_Someday, someone is going to hug you so tight_

_that all of your broken pieces will stick back together._

Amelia closed the trailer door behind her as quietly as possible. She ran to her black car, still holding in her breath as if Owen could still hear her and wake up at any moment. He hadn't woken up when she had warily moved his hand off her waist or when she had crawled off the bed or when she had put her clothes on. Amelia felt bad for leaving him, but her shift at the hospital was about to begin and she had stayed as long as she could.

Yet, going to work was still not an excuse for not waking Owen up and saying goodbye.

Amelia knew it, but sometimes it was easier just to not talk. Maybe it made her a coward, but Amelia wasn't feeling like a superhero anyways. It had been fun with Owen, flirting and all of that. But they had has sex last night, and she a feeling was creeping on her that the time to define the relationship was coming. And her last few relationships had… well, let's just say she wasn't with those men anymore. That should say enough.

She started the car and flinched at the hum of the engine. She knew she was making a mistake. She knew it and still she steered the car to the road and drove away from the trailer and from Owen. And most of all, away from the fact that she was most definitely falling for the redhead. And maybe she had been falling for him for a while now.

_xxx_

"Doctor Shepherd?" Owen asked awkwardly while glancing at the nurses chatting by the counter. Amelia turned her head hesitantly to find him settling right next to her, his arm almost brushing hers. It felt nice, nicer that she liked to admit. The nurses scattered away to do their jobs, leaving the pair standing relatively privately even with all the doctor and nurses walking by them in a fast pace. Owen too noticed their newfound privacy and began again. "You kind of ran away from me there."

Amelia put on her brave face and looked him in the eyes. That was a mistake. His eyes were wonderfully grey, and it took her back to the previous night, when he had stared right into her soul and moaned her name. "I had an early shift."

"You could've woken me up." Owen stated. Had he somehow drifted even closer to her now? It seemed like it. Or maybe she had instinctively moved nearer.

"I-" Her voice cracked. "I just. Yeah."

Owen looked worried and he had that look that she both loved and hated. It was a look he gave her whenever he knew exactly how she was feeling. "Did I – did I do something wrong?" His voice was low and wary and almost blue.

Amelia flinched and stepped back half a step to get better eye contact – oh, the subtle height difference they had. "_No_. I just. I'm silly. That's me." She made an unintentional silly face. God, this was going really badly. She was about to ruin the whole thing and she just wanted to smack her head against the counter. "You were… perfect. Trust me. Just – never mind. Forget the whole thing."

"We should talk about this." Owen leaned in closer as a nurse that was known for his gossip spreading skills walked by. Amelia understood he did it to go unheard, but the lack of space between them now would intrigue an even less gossipy nurse. "'kay? I know how… intimidating it feels. I mean… I didn't expect you, at all." She noticed she was holding in her breath and her shoulders were tense until he set his other hand on her shoulder. His thumb settled onto the crook of her neck and she had to force herself not to shiver. "I asked you – a while back – if you had people and I guess I'd like to be one of those people."

Amelia's heart melted and a rather shy smile overtook her face. Owen was smiling now too, in a gentle fashion. She searched for the right words but found none and probably looked stupid while doing so, but she couldn't bring herself to care about it.

"What about I take you to a proper dinner someday?" He asked her a mere second before her pager beeped. They both let out frustrated groans and Amelia nodded warmly before taking off to the ER. The smile on her face remained there on her way to the patient.

Unbeknownst to her, Owen was staring at her back as the distance between them grew and grew until she turned around the corner. Then he shook his head to get out of the bliss in order to get back to work. But still, Amelia Shepherd consumed his mind that day, every inch of her skin and her piercing blue eyes and the way she tended to look baffled in front of him.

xxx

"This is nice." Amelia nodded approvingly at the little picnic Owen had put together in his trailer (which Derek had previously owned) and put on display on the small table of the trailer. "Very nice indeed. I didn't know you could cook."

Owen smiled charmingly. "Only the best for you. Which means I asked my mom for cooking advice, but I _did_ do all of this in the end. Um, have a seat." Amelia did as was told and Owen sat across the table. She spotted a bottle of sparkly lemon water and grabbed it to examine it closer.

"Is this the bottle I gave you?" she asked in disbelief, turning the bottle up and down in her hands. "You kept it?"

"Yeah," Owen look embarrassed. "You said you didn't drink wine, so I thought –"

"I'm impressed by this." Amelia remarked and Owen appeared to be relieved. It was dark and raining outside, as it always was in Seattle, Washington. "I can't believe you're still single!" And as soon as she had said those words, she regretted it and wanted to smash the bottle on her own head.

Owen had a small smile on his face, it was perhaps a little flirty, and he didn't appear as thrown by her comment as she was. "I was kind of hoping I wasn't still single." Yes, his smile was definitely flirty. Amelia had never had such a physical reaction to a man. Every time she saw or talked to Owen or thought about it, the butterflies in her stomach went nuts, her heart skipped beats and ironically enough, the neurosurgeon's brains stopped functioning.

Amelia had feared for this. Defining the relationship. Ever since she had quit drinking and partying she had lost all of her game. Prior to that decision she could've just winged it, not cared about it, but without the almighty power of booze, it was nerving to do this. But somehow Owen made this feel okay. Like she could be in a relationship without Uncle Alcohol visiting every now and then.

"Well, if that's your wish, then I see no reason why you should be single then." Amelia responded, smiling. _Yasss_. She had some of her game back. Maybe she should just focus on her Owen game from now on.

"Well alright then." Owen leaned in over the table and kissed her softly, his left hand resting on the crook of her neck, buried among her dark locks. The kiss was awkward because of the table keeping them apart, so Amelia decided to practice her Owen game and got up. Owen rushed off his seat as well and they crashed together to kiss each other in a more comfortable position. Her hands kind of knew what parts of his arms were most touchable and his rough hands found their way to the hem of her black shirt. His other hand slipped under the blouse and onto her back while their kiss went on. His hand was cool and she shivered, eliciting a low laughter from him. He slowly walked her backwards to the bed and began tugging off her shirt. Amelia couldn't fathom how he knew her body so well even though they had done this only a couple of times.

Afterwards, they microwaved their dinner and talked. And talked and talked and talked. Their throats were sore at the end of the night, but somehow neither of them had had the idea to open up the bottle of water.

_xxx_

"Owen!" Callie called his name, causing him to stop walking and turn around. Callie had an energetic smile on her face and she looked ready to jump up and down with enthusiasm. "Are you up to some clubbing later tonight? I know you're not on call by the way, so don't even bother lying. We need to get ourselves out there."

Owen chuckled at her glee and then remembered he had planned to spend the night with Amelia. However, Amelia was stubborn about keeping their thing a secret for a little longer. Owen didn't mind, at least not yet, because he knew Derek wouldn't be happy about it and the hospital protocol about dating was frustrating. A little voice in his mind still wished Amelia would come out of the dating closet with him. Soonish.

"Actually, I'm kind of out there already," Owen told Callie a little awkwardly, but couldn't control his smile.

"You have a date? Get out of here!" Callie exclaimed, her eyes widening as she playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me, Owen?"

"It's… new." Owen lied partly. It was rather new, but the truth was that it felt like ever since Cristina broke things off with him (maybe even before?) every little thing had been anticipating Amelia. And she'd appeared at the hospital one day and now…

"Is she someone I know?" Callie fished for information, her eyes glimmering with curiosity.

"I have a surgery." Owen blocked the question and turned around. "Have nice evening, Doctor Torres."

"That is _not_ fair!" Callie exclaimed behind him. Owen chuckled as he headed towards the OR. "Is she _the one?_ Owen! Doctor Hunt, you come back here right now!"

Owen grinned, and in his mind he answered both of Callie's questions: yes, she is.

_xxx_

"Amelia, I know you and Owen are a thing!" Meredith spat it out as Amelia was preparing to leave for her night shift. She froze instantly, and then took a defensive pose, her arms crossed across her chest. "I was feeding Bailey – the baby, obviously – when I saw you and him sitting by the trailer. And not in a friendly way. Not sitting like two friends or co-workers would sit together."

"So?" Amelia grumbled, pouting and cursing her failure to keep the thing under wraps.

"So, you shouldn't be with him!" Meredith argued as she turned on the dishwasher and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater.

Amelia rolled her eyes. "You're being dramatic, Mer. You're happy now, why can't I be?"

"Because Owen is in love with Cristina! My best friend, soulmate and person Cristina!" Meredith's croaky voice was now getting in on Amelia's nerves and she opened the door to the yard, not wanting to hear any more of this nonsense, not wanting to doubt this now. She had a big brain tumour waiting for her today in the OR. Her hand wavered on the cool, metallic door handle.

"I know he used to be married. I used to be a junkie. The past is past." She forced herself to utter.

"Not in this case." Meredith told her insistently as she gathered her sandy blonde hair into her signature ponytail. Amelia turned her back to leave. "Amy, Cristina and Owen are like… me and Derek. They're epic love. Do you know how many times I thought me and Derek were over? Well, we never were over."

Amelia huffed in disgust. In disgust that one of her closest friends would do this to her.

"And if they're over, then it's because Cristina didn't want to have a child." Meredith's voice was now all intense and firm, and she was straightening up on the bed: "Do you? Want a child, I mean? Because if you don't, I don't see Owen and you working out."

The shaking of her hand had gotten too much and she exited the Grey-Shepherd house. She practically ran to her car, Meredith's voice echoing in her head. Amelia wasn't really on the map about Owen and Cristina's relationship, but if it was anything like Meredith and Derek's romance… she was in it just to be hurt. She started the car, angry at everyone. At Meredith for speaking up, at Owen for being in love with his ex, at Cristina Yang for having loved Owen and at herself for letting herself rush into this thing.

_xxx_

"Amelia, can we talk for a second?" Owen caught up with her in the pale green hallways of the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. He had an easy-going, goofy smile on his handsome face and his hand found its place on her shoulder.

"I'm busy." She shrugged his hand off her, not bothering to spare him a look. She sped up her pace and left the baffled chief of surgery behind.

_xxx_

"Amelia, talk to me." Owen begged. He had followed her to the parking lot and they were standing between two cars, a space that had never before made Amelia as nervous. "You've been either lashing out at me or ignoring me for a while now. Whatever I did, I'm sorry about it." His blue eyes were desperate and Amelia's heart pounded. No matter how hard she tried to refuse liking him so damn much, she couldn't resist him.

She zipped up her jacket and sighed. "Let it go, Owen."

His eyes searched the sky for a second before returning to her face. "Why are you doing this? I told you, you don't have to run from me. I'm not going to hurt you."

"We –" she began and he nodded, urging her to go on. His hands were on his hips and a warm breeze ruffled his hair. Amelia felt pathetic. Why, indeed. She licked her lips determinedly. "I don't think we'll work out. I'm a little… younger." Why, why, _why _did she say _that?_ Owen too had summed up the years.

"We're only seven years apart." He seemed amused now, but then it disappeared from his face.

"What I'm trying to say is… we wouldn't have worked out. Let's just end it on good terms, okay?" Amelia said but instantly noticed that Owen didn't seem to be giving up, and she came up with the most hurtful thing she could come up with in such a short notice. "What did you think? An ex junkie and crazy PTSD veteran being together? What part of that sentence sounds good to you?"

Amelia let it sink in. "Just let it go, okay?" She opened the door of her car and slammed it shut. From the rear-view mirror she saw Owen's hunched shoulders as he walked away. A tear escaped her eye but she swept it away before starting the car.

xxx

"Hunt seems to be really upset." Maggie observed as they were eating lunch in the cafeteria. On the other end of the cafeteria Owen was eating with Webber and Robbins. His companions were having a conversation that included laughter, smiles and all that crap, but Owen was barely paying attention to them and was staring his macaroni casserole apathetically. "Not that it's any of my business, though."

Amelia tore her eyes off Owen and squeezed the hem of her blue scrubs under the table. "Exactly. Eat that ridiculous chicken salad, Pierce, so you can get back to consulting me on this impossible case." It came out as playfully as Amelia had intended but her eyes were joyless.

_xxx_

"I've changed my mind." Meredith came to Amelia one day when she was doing research for surgery in the guest bedroom – why, oh why was she still living with her brother and his wife and children? "Go for it."

"For what?" Amelia asked bluntly.

"For Owen."

Amelia turned and glared at her sister-in-law. "What changed your mind?"

Meredith sat on the bed and sighed. "I may have had some bias when I was talking to you that day… I miss Cristina and Owen getting over Cristina means that she's really gone. And she's my person. The truth is that Owen and Cristina weren't like me and Derek. And Owen is miserable without you. He's moping around the hospital, annoying the heck out of people."

"I still have no idea of what the heck you mean by 'person'…" Amelia murmured and turned back to her laptop. "And by the way, I'm getting an apartment of my own because _you_ don't know how to _knock_!"

"Think about it."

"You were right. We shouldn't be together," Amelia said just as she had rehearsed, just in case of a situation like this. Her words were robot-like.

Meredith sighed and got up. "Fine. But can you take care of the kids tonight? Derek and I have to go to work."

"Sure." Amelia nodded.

xxx

"Park, go check up on Mrs. Edison. Check her vitals and inform me of _any_ changes." Amelia strictly instructed a new intern before turning back to her paper work. She was trying hard to concentrate on the empty lines on the yellow paper, but something kept distracting her. She licked her dry lips (she always forgot to apply lip balm) and tied her hair into a ponytail. Better, but only barely. Normally she worked just fine in the crowded hall, but now it was hell. She raised her head to see Owen looking at her. It was the kind of look that she knew had been originally unintended. A stolen glance that had been meant to last only for a second or two as he was passing by. But Amelia had caught him, and what she saw was a pair of heartbroken bright eyes. They looked deep into each other's eyes for a quick moment, and then he was walking away stiffly and she felt like an asshole.

xxx

Amelia stretched her hands as she walked to the on call rooms. Her ICU patient had made it and she considered herself worth a quick nap before the next catastrophe hit Seattle. She entered the dark on call room and closed the door behind her. She let out a long sigh as her eyes adjusted to the dark. She almost gasped when she noticed Owen sitting on the edge of a bed. She had thought she was alone but she had been wrong.

"Ow – " she began, too surprised to stop herself from speaking up. He looked up at her and even with the lack of light, she noticed the red puffiness of his eyes. Oh crap. "Owen?"

"I'm sorry, I'll leave." Owen got up, but Amelia put her hands up in soothing manner.

"No no no. I'll leave. You were here first."

He returned to the bed and looked at her sadly. She couldn't break the look and settled for saying: "Rough night?"

"Lost a patient."

"Crap."

"Yeah."

A voice in her head screamed her not to do so, but another voice in her head advised her gently to comfort Owen. In moments like this Amelia hated how compassionate she could be. But being an ex-junkie that had lost her child had made her like that. Compassionate and understanding. So she sat next to him – a respectable distance away, of course. "That's too bad. I'm sure you did everything."

"I did," Owen nodded and whispered. "It accounted for nothing."

"Cristina got nominated for another Harper Avery today. Exciting, is it not?" Amelia blurted out to get rid of the silence. Filter, filter, filter! Addison and Violet and everyone in LA had told her to work on it, and yet here she was, saying the first thing that came into her head. Repeat: she had no game. And Cristina Yang's second HA nomination had been on her mind for the past couple of days, mostly because she attributed Owen's distraught to missing Cristina.

Owen had frozen for a second, and then he looked at her, reading her thoughts far too easily, triumph and unintended amusement in his still teary eyes. "This. This is because of Cristina, isn't it?" Amelia didn't answer, just let her eyes wander to the floor. "She's not here anymore."

"But if she were," Amelia uttered. "If she were here, you wouldn't be with me right now. You'd be with her."

"False," Owen denied.

"Don't lie to me!" Amelia exclaimed, feeling herself get emotional too. "You'll just make me feel even worse by trying to make me feel better."

"Cristina and I didn't work out. We're too different, we want entirely different things." Owen told her determinedly. "Some time ago, when you weren't here yet, I decided what I wanted. She decided too, and that's why we wouldn't be together." Amelia remained silent. "I didn't think I could fall for someone so quickly after she left, but then you came along. Amelia, I know you. Why can't you let me be the one for you?"

"My baby died, Owen." Amelia whispered barely audibly. "My unicorn baby was born without brains and I let them tear him apart."

"To save other infants," Owen's ache was clear to her, not only because of his tone, but because she felt it too. She felt great sadness every single day, every time her hand accidentally touched her stomach, the place where a baby had once been. No, not just a baby. _Her _baby. And Amelia felt another kind of ache, an ache for Owen. But she couldn't let herself be in love with him, though that was a lost battle already.

His hand found her back and she sprang up from the crappy bed the hospital had to offer to the on call doctor. "No! You don't want _me!_ You want a freaking version of Cristina who wants babies! And I'm not Cristina!" She was teary now, and she hated it. The past few years had included way too many tears and so much sorrow, with Ryan's death and her anencephalic baby.

"Amelia!" Owen hopped off the bed as well, and placed his hands on her arms. "Amelia. It's not like that." The morning light was filtering through the half-open blinders, casting bizarre lines of light into the dark room. "I don't want another Cristina. There's only one Cristina. And there's only one – _one – _woman for me."

Amelia did her best to blink her tears away and to keep her walls up, failing at both: "I don't know if I'll be ever able to have a baby again. What if I'm just a brainless baby making machine? Listen to me, you don't want me."

"I do!" Owen exclaimed, now clearly frustrated with her.

"_Why?" _Amelia threw her hands in the air.

"I don't know!" Owen cried out, then shook his head, hands still holding her in place, kindly. His grey eyes pierced deep into her and he seemed to be calming down from just their eye contact and the fact that she was here, in front of him, hearing him out even if she was reluctant to be convinced. "Actually, I do know." He became agitated again. "It's because we have this extraordinary connection where we know how the other one is feeling. I admire how much you've survived, how much you've endured. And you're a highly skilled and a talented and a _beautiful_ surgeon. And – and you're compassionate! You are Amelia Shepherd. And, now, I couldn't imagine my life without you. So let me prove myself to you. I won't let you down, I promise that to you."

Amelia examined him closely for a second. His expression was sincere, just like everything about him. He was just a really sincere man, passionate and loving. And he smelt so damn nice. Something about his smell reminded her of home, a place that was safe and comfortable and something she couldn't imagine living without. And she couldn't imagine not having Owen or seeing him with anyone else than her, and she realized it in the moment.

Amelia's breath hitched in her throat as she uttered: "I'll prove myself to you too." Suddenly their bodies crashed together when Owen pulled her to him, not to kiss her, simply to embrace her and it felt like heaven after about a month of not being able to touch him or tell him how much she wanted him.

And Amelia felt like she needed to say something else, but she didn't. Because their connection prevailed even when they were speechless. So she just hugged him back, drinking in the feeling of all of her broken pieces sticking back together and embracing the knowledge that she was doing the same for him.

**It's not a momentary phase, you're my life  
I don't deserve you, but you love me just the same**

**AN: **Quotes aren't mine. The bit at the end is from Safety Suit's song Never Stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the kind reviews and have a happy Grey's Day!**

"_And every morning I wake up there's this pit, this… feeling here that… maybe my dreams are over. __**Maybe I had my dreams. And they're over now. **__I'm gonna be this single guy. No wife, no kids, no family." _Owen, GA season 11 episode 3

"_I've seen what's out there… __**alone is better**__." _Amelia, PP season 6 episode 11

"Seriously?" Derek questioned him.

"I'm sorry, what?" Owen felt thrown off, because the moment before they had been discussing an upcoming surgery. All day Derek had been twitchy and unable to concentrate, but Owen attributed that to his marital problems with Meredith. He happened to know – mostly through hospital gossip – that they were "working on their marriage".

"You're dating Amy?" Derek seemed half amused, half offended and a little fascinated with the possibility of Owen being Amelia's boyfriend.

"So you know now." Owen stated, not sure if Derek would punch him. He had gone berserk when Mark had been dating Lexie, after all. He frowned as he remembered the fight that had occurred back then.

"Meredith told me last night. But really. Out of all the women in this hospital, no, _in the_ _world_ my little sister?" Derek asked again.

"Definitely yes." Owen smiled, a warm feeling spreading through his chest.

"Alright," Derek shrugged. "Don't screw it up or the board will kick you out of here." He laughed at his comment, but the neurosurgeon had always had that quality of being able to laugh and be serious simultaneously.

"I won't." Owen called out after his subordinate as he left the office.

"Better not!" Derek shouted as he calmly walked towards the catwalk.

xxx

"You paged me?" Amelia smiled as she closed the door of his office. It was one of the luxuries of being the Chief of Surgery. They had made a habit of having lunch together whenever they could, usually in said office. Amelia loved the view to the catwalk and the light that flowed to the room. Also, Owen kept the space clean, which was a nice change for the messiness of Amelia's bedroom and the everyday, mundane chaos of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. But usually Owen didn't page her, which Amelia was worried about as soon as she noticed the cautious grin on his face. "What?"

"It's nothing." Owen waved his hand to soothe her. "Take a seat, please."

"Well this is feeling official," Amelia shrugged as she sat opposite to him. "What's up?"

Owen was fiddling with his hands but his eyes were locked with hers. "I don't want you to get frightened… but in this hospital there's this policy…"

"Protocol?" Amelia sighed in frustration. "That's boring. I could be operating on an aneurysm right now."

"Let me finish," Owen's frown was getting worrying, so she let him speak without interruptions. "Last year there was this resident that filed a complaint about… the inner relationships of this hospital, which forced us to enforce a policy. According to said policy, two co-workers... like us two… can't be together in a romantic relationship unless both parties sign a contract. Which basically takes away to right to file a suit against the hospital and so forth."

Amelia looked baffled, with her other eyebrow raising ever so cynically.

Owen was thrown by her silence, and went on: "I mean… I just assumed that since we… um… reconciled that we were… um dating again. And as the chief I think it's important for me to… uh, go along with the protocol, no matter how little respect it gets from everyone." Almost shyly, he looked up at Amelia. "Look, I don't want to scare you away or force you to do anything but… I think we should sign the papers. Just don't run away from me because of some stupid rules."

Amelia frowned and broke into a smile. "You do realize how stupid this is?"

Owen hung his head down in shame and nodded. "But it's a yes?"

"I'm not going to run away." Amelia said, her sincerity levels reaching the same height as Owen's. "Not anymore. I'm in." Owen smiled too and it made her insides go wild. If signing some papers were what it took to make him smile at her like _that_, she would sign papers all day long. She reached for the papers that lay on Owen's desk.

She pulled a pen out of the pocket of her dark blue scrubs and signed the paper without reading it through. As she handed the papers back to her now official boyfriend and her boss, she threw him an amused look. "Just checking, but you approved of this stupid rule when it was enforced, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I did." Owen smiled awkwardly, knowing she would poke fun at him for it.

"Karma is a bitch." Amelia chuckled and gave him a quick kiss over the table. "Serves you right."

"I'll say."

xxx

Owen ran his cool hands along Amelia's back as their mouths collided time and time again. His hand had disappeared under her top to wrap his hands around her only moments after they began. Owen had observed some of Amelia's habits when it came to being physical. She wasn't content with just receiving, she was the giving back type. And although she let his passion rule, she did put up a little fight for dominance, as a way to keep them both on their toes. He liked the way she kept pressing up against him, he liked the lack of space between them because the closeness was intoxicating. He couldn't help but inspect every inch of her skin with his fingertips just to make sure she was there. He opened his eyes, but only half way, just to watch how gorgeous she looked when they were making out. He smirked a little into the kiss and had to cut himself from saying something just then.

"Am- hOLY HELL." Meredith shrieked just as soon as she opened the door and did a little twirl by the door.

Owen's hands slid away from under Amelia's shirt and they shot away from each other. From the corner of his eye Owen noticed Amelia's chest heave heavily as she faced Meredith. She had to catch her breath before snapping.

"Can you not knock?"

"This is my house, Amy. I didn't even know you guys were making out in here," Meredith shot back, rolling her eyes and waving the neon green hair brush in her hand. "Zola wants you to braid her hair. You've gotten too good, I and Derek just aren't up to her standards anymore."

"You better reach my level because I swear I'm moving out," Amelia grumbled as she climbed off the bed. Owen got up too and the couple passed Meredith. "Brush, thank you." Amelia requested and received the brush as soon as she said it. "Let's go make that little angel even prettier than she already is." She proclaimed and flashed a smile at Owen. It made his heart flutter. And when Amelia was braiding her niece's hair and blabbering to her about how it was at day-care, she gave him that smile again, quite unintentionally, and his heart almost melted at the spot.

xxx

Amelia scrolled through the site slowly, but didn't click any of the links. Apartment hunting was already tiring and she was just scrolling! She switched her position on the bed of the on-call room and set her iPad on the pillow. She didn't really know what she was looking for. Something close to the hospital, probably. And not too big. Her previous apartment had been spacious, but with that space came the feeling of being really alone. Also, she didn't want to live on the first floor. Was a guest bedroom necessary?

The door to the on-call room opened and Owen peeked in. "What's up?"

"Nothing much." Amelia shrugged as she switched her position again, this time leaning her back against the wall. Owen climbed on the bunk bed to join her on the top bunk. Their legs dangled in the air. "What about you?"

"I was heading home and I just wanted to say goodbye." Owen told her and looked at her iPad over her shoulder. "What are you up to?"

"I'm just looking for apartments." Amelia sighed and inched closer to Owen as he wrapped his other arm around her shoulder. "I can't stay with my brother for the rest of my life, you know."

Owen had apparently forgot his intentions to go home after a long day of work, and he didn't show a single trace of weariness as interest sparked in his eyes. "I suppose so… Do you have some place in your mind already?"

"Nah." Amelia shook her head and let Owen tug the iPad from her hands. "I hate hate _hate_ this. Like how am I supposed to know my neighbours aren't doing meth or having parties at 4 AM or something? Or worse, what if they try to talk to me? I'd rather have a fruit basket than a conversation."

Owen laughed at her comment while looking at the site that provided information about apartments that could be bought or rented. "I figure I should let you know that I'm exceptional at this stuff." Amelia let her head fall against his shoulder and chuckled.

"Well, no one is worse at life skills than me, so go ahead. Get me an apartment."

"What are your absolutely no's and yesses? Usually these kinds of sites have a 'narrow your search' feature that allows you to set the maximum price and define the preferred area and that sort of stuff." His face was in a concentrated frown as he searched the page for said feature.

Amelia turned her head a bit to look at him. "Wow, you really know this stuff. It's kind of creepy since you have a home – sort of – and therefore no need to be visiting these websites." Owen looked embarrassed and she followed his finger find the 'narrow your search' page and tap the iPad to enter it.

"It's nothing. It's just that living in a trailer isn't always that comfortable. Whenever it rains the trailer feels like a pathetic tin can. And we live in Seattle, so that's… pretty often. Here, tell me how many square feet you'd like in an ideal home?"

"450." Amelia answered right away.

"That's not very big." Owen raised his eyebrows.

"I prefer small and cosy to big and lon–"

She was cut off by an intern opening the on-call room's door. Amelia didn't know his name, so he must've been from the latest bunch. He had acne and raven black hair and he looked at the couple sitting on the top of the bunk bed.

"Hey!" Amelia snarled. "Attendings only!" The intern hesitated by the door but Amelia glared at him. As soon as the intern had left, Amelia rolled her eyes playfully at Owen. "I can't believe these interns. They have the audacity to interrupt us to _sleep?_"

"We _could_ go to my office." Owen suggested.

"No need," Amelia jumped off the bed to lock the door. "Your chairs are highly uncomfortable, even more uncomfortable than these beds. Hey, you should bring that up with the board. You could really make a change."

"Or maybe you should lower your standards on beds." Owen suggested and went on with the search: "So, where would you liked to live? Downtown, suburbs?"

She locked the door and tested the door once to be sure that no one could enter. Locked doors could be a pain in the ass for the people who wanted to sleep, but everyone in the hospital did so, so why couldn't Amelia? "Near the hospital. I don't like driving very much. Also I hate going to the gym, so I could do like a little walking. But a mile is too long a trip."

Owen did something with her iPad to narrow the area and went on to the next question as Amelia climbed back on the top bunk. "Right. So do you want an apartment building or a detached house? Or maybe semi-detached."

"I don't care." She said as she crossed her legs and blew some loose hair off her face. She then looked at the iPad and quickly read through the page. "Yeah, I don't care about any of these things. I don't care if my neighbours smoke as long as they don't want to do it at my place. And I don't give a crap if the kitchen is open or not. Wait, no, put the condition of the apartment to satisfactory. Even I don't want a horrible place."

Owen did as was told and stole a quick glance at her as he scrolled the page to the final question. "Um, so do you want to rent or purchase?" Suddenly Owen appeared to be really anxious and it hit Amelia as she noticed his jaw tense. If she wanted to buy a house to all her own, she would have to get mortgage and that could be read as a long time investment and that would mean that… Amelia blinked, pondering what it was that she wanted.

"Um…" Amelia began, pouting her lips. "It seems better to rent. Right now. You know, the economy is bad and… I'm really just aiming to moving out of Derek's place. You know."

Owen seemed pleased, but went along with her poor attempt at explaining her reason to rent. "Oh yeah. That seems smart, considering the economy and the market at the moment."

For the next half an hour Owen and Amelia went through numerous apartments and Amelia was impressed by how quickly Owen noticed the pros and cons of each apartment by simply looking at the few pictures that were provided or by reading between the lines of the descriptions. The time they spent on the site was electric as they both knew that a promise of a shared future had been sort of made, or rather, they had made it clear that it wasn't out of question. And neither of them could shake the lingering smiles on their faces caused by her decision to rent. Perhaps it wouldn't have been as significant to other people, and maybe it didn't mean that much in the end, because mortgages weren't the end of the world, but to them it meant much more than money and they both knew it.

_xxx_

"That's the last box." Owen said as he laid the box on the kitchen counter. He wiped slight sweat off his forehead and joined Amelia's side. She too had broken a sweat but it had only resulted in an oddly attractive glow on her face.

"Thanks." Amelia stated as she opened the unnamed box – she wasn't organized enough to label her boxes – then immediately closed it and frowned. "What is all of this?" She opened the cardboard box again and picked up two thick books and a jewellery box. Owen watched the events unfold in a curious manner as she opened the topmost book. And they were equally surprised to see that the book was a photo-album. Owen chuckled as he saw Derek's face, framed by hair that was nothing like the neurosurgeon's hair nowadays. Puberty had done him good.

"What is this?" Amelia mumbled as she quickly leafed through the book, disbelief in her voice.

"Maybe Derek just wanted to give it to you. Everyone has photo-albums" Owen suggested, a little puzzled about the situation but nonetheless enchanted by the way Amelia looked like a little kid on Christmas morning. Curious, a little anxious and almost teary-eyed from excitement of the possibilities ahead.

"No, it's not that," Amelia told him, looking up at him and her eyes sparkled in a way that completely disarmed Owen. He'd never seen eyes as blue and striking as hers. And the emotion they conveyed took Owen by surprise each time, no matter how much he'd seen it happen. "Our mother never had the time to develop the pictures after… I mean, she was a nurse, she never had the time. How could Derek have all of these?"

She had now started from the top, slowly looking through the photos, sometimes letting her fingers linger on the photos. She gulped as she stopped by a photo of a handsome, youngish man. Owen quickly noticed that the man looked very similar to the two Shepherds he knew. It was her father. He didn't ask about it, sensing that it was a rather sensitive subject. Now that he thought about it, Amelia never spoke much about her family, except for Derek, of course. Instead of trying to urge her to talk about the photo and the man, Owen happened to spot a pink post it note on the floor. He picked it up as she kept looking at the photos in silence, and gave it to her. "I think you dropped this. When you lifted the albums."

As he passed on the note that he had politely decided not to read, their fingers touched slightly. The brunette read the note quickly and smiled awkwardly but with her whole heart, as if she didn't know how to react. "'_Amy_, _Kate found these while at mom's. Better late than never. Happy Birthday from your brother + sisters'_ and there's like a triple smiley face after that. Really reminds me of a triple chin, but I appreciate the gesture." And then Amelia was back to her snarky, witty normal self. Owen hadn't realized before that she didn't seem to be close with her sisters and Derek and Amelia never had been quite the dream team. The present must've meant a lot to her.

"It's your birthday?" He finally grasped the most important part of the message. "I – I didn't know about it. I can still get you something."

"Nah." Amelia shook her head and took a seat on the bar tool she had ordered from Ikea. "I don't really celebrate my birthdays."

"How come?" Owen leaned on her, enclosing her in a hug. He pressed his torso against her back and brought his hands around her shoulders. Amelia flipped the page while answering in a stern voice.

"Well, with four siblings no one ever had the time. Sometimes Derek got me something, or mom. But not always. And what's there to celebrate about getting older and more wrinkled? I'll be forty in well under ten years. Is that supposed to make me want to get stuff so I can remind myself of my future demise?"

Owen laughed at her cynic comment and swept away strands of hair from the other side of her face and muttered into her ear: "It doesn't have to materialistic stuff, Amelia."

Amelia turned her head and smirked, appearing to be pleasantly surprised. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"Most definitely."

"On the other hand, breaking habits is always healthy, so I'm up to celebrating this year."

_xxx_

Amelia guided Owen out of the door later that evening, wearing nothing but her burgundy bathrobe. The hallway was quiet, and when Owen thought about it, he had rarely ran into someone during the moving process. Amelia leaned on the door frame, tired from hauling all of her stuff up to the fifth floor with Owen's assistance. Owen knew this would be a rare occasion, getting to spend a whole day with her. They would get mornings and evenings or nights, but the _whole_ day would be a rare thing. They were both surgeons, she the Head of Neuro and he the Chief of Surgery. The realization of this made Owen reluctant to leave and he lingered by the open door.

"I should go." He just stated, the 'should' highlighting how he'd rather stay.

"We'll see tomorrow. At work." She assured him. Owen had known he couldn't stay the night. He knew Amelia wanted to spend the first night at her apartment alone, and it was fine with him, at least somewhat fine. But the image of her being alone in the middle of boxes and with a (mostly) empty fridge was very unsettling to him. He remembered moving to Seattle to work and being all alone. The situation was the same, but there was something really sad about lonely first anythings. "Thanks. For helping me move in. And everything."

"You're very welcome." Owen smiled, ruffling his hair. "I should go."

"You said that already," Amelia pointed out, but she couldn't from Owen how flattered she was by the affect she had on him.

"Yeah," Owen tucked his hands into his pockets. She still wasn't closing the door and he still wouldn't turn to leave.

"Thanks."

"You said that already," it was Owen's turn to remark.

"No, I mean it." Amelia shifted her weight to her other foot. "I – I" She seemed to be hesitating. "I really enjoyed today."

It wasn't what Owen had expected. So what had he expected then? Something that he hadn't said yet that he really wanted to say but he didn't know if it was too soon or if she even wanted him to say that to him. Their actions revealed it, he knew that much, but it didn't seem to be enough. He could never get enough of her, and so he settled to taking everything he could get.

"Me too," he answered. "See you tomorrow."

"Good night." She replied before finally closing the door.

xxx

The two doctors washed their hands after the surgery and gazed upon the OR. The patient had been in a bad car accident and injured his spinal cord. Owen had opted to help her out in the surgery, as the same car crash was occupying the time of the other surgeons. Surgery was a state within nothing else besides the procedure really existed, and so the news Owen had heard through the grapevine just now returned to his head.

"I heard you received a nice job offer from Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre." He said over the low flow of the water, glancing quickly at her to see her immediate reaction. She appeared to be calm and collected, and was concentrating on getting her hands as clean as possible.

"I turned them down." Amelia informed him, even though he'd suspected it already, as he'd heard some intern talking about 'the other Shepherd not giving a single fuck about the offer'. "It wasn't that great. I'm the Head of Neuro here, so why move back to LA only to work under someone?"

"Right." Owen nodded and reached for the wash cloth. Amelia did the same.

"Do you think I should've? Taken up on that offer, I mean." She asked him after a brief silence when they were leaving the OR. She was looking at him expectantly. Owen thought about it. Even though Amelia wouldn't have been hired as the Head of Neuro, Cedars-Sinai was known for its excellence in neurosurgery. Being the Head of Neuro did however come with its perks, which made the race very tight.

"I'm glad you're here," he told her. "You are one of the best ones there are, when it comes to neurosurgeons. We're lucky to have you."

Amelia looked at the floor, and smiled at the compliment as their pagers went off. They shared a knowing look. This had happened to them numerous times. The people were in need of help, and it was their duty to help them, no matter how personal conversations they were having. Owen grabbed her hand without thinking about it, having to rush to the ER.

"I'm happy you decided to stay, Amelia, because I love you, okay."

And he had feared beforehand he would regret saying anything, but he didn't regret it. It made him feel good and happy and fearless and her wide smile and glimmering eyes confirmed the fact that she didn't regret hearing it. She squeezed his hand and said. "I love you too Owen." The pagers beeped again and Amelia had to rush upstairs to the ICU while Owen hurried towards the ER.

And it didn't feel rushed or too quick or out of place. It seemed to fit, it was right for them.

_xxx_

Amelia and Owen lay on his bed in his trailer both on their sides so that they could face each other. The blankets covered them and Owen reached his hand to brush her hair off the crook of her neck and discovered a red mark he had left there. It had been half accidental.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, surprising Owen and waking him up from his thoughts.

"Of course." He allowed it like it was the most stupid thing she could've ever asked him.

"How much has Derek told you about me?" She asked, and Owen recognized her expression instantly. It was the sinister self-doubt that sometimes overwhelmed her, something Owen had seen in her for the first time when that AA woman had shouted at her in the hospital.

"I don't know any of the details." Owen confessed. "But I know."

"I want to be honest with you," she paused to yawn. Owen was charmed by how sleepy she got after sex. "I've told you some things, but… I want to tell you now." Her voice was hesitant and Owen realized she was asking if she could speak freely.

"You can tell me anything."

Amelia took a deep breath and adjusted the covers on her side of the bed. "I overdosed for the first time when I was in high school. I was dead. And it was… it was because my dad got killed when I was five. I was there, with Derek. In our shop." Owen's hand snaked to her arm and rubbed it relaxingly, but the redhead remained silent to let her tell what she wanted to get out of her system. "And the pills… They got me through the day until I realized – when I woke up in the hospital – that they'd never gotten me through anything. Everything was just… on pause. So I quit the pills. I was sober until I wasn't. And… I fell for this guy. Ryan."

Owen was the jealous guy. And he had admitted it to himself. But it wasn't like that now. He mostly just felt upset for her, because he knew the next part of the story.

"And he died while I was pregnant. But I didn't know I was, not then. And I wish – " Amelia gulped, biting her lip. "I wish I had never known him. Because it's still scary to not sleep alone. Because I don't know if I can ever be not scared of waking up and finding someone else dead next to me."

It was something Owen had noticed after some time. How she almost always flinched awake, panic in her eyes as she scanned the bed and she seemed to relax only after finding Owen next to her, awake and breathing and _living_.

"When I learned my baby had no brains I wanted to fall off the wagon again. I wanted to. But I told myself I owed it to Ryan and to everyone that I've ever hurt that I'd never touch drugs or alcohol ever again. I wanted something good to come out of all the horrible things I caused, and I donated my son's organs to save other ones."

Owen had never felt closer to her than now. To hear it all from her was a sign of mutual trust. And he could see the change in her demeanour and it encouraged him to tell her about the darkness in him. But not now. Amelia had picked a right time to tell him about herself, and he would find and pick the right time for his whole story as well.

"Did you give him a name?" Owen asked quietly, his hand now under the cover and stroking her side in comforting way.

"No." Amelia shook her head, but added: "I like Patrick for a boy, though." She had a small, gentle smile on her face as she took his other hand in hers and they interlaced their fingers.

"What about for a girl?" Owen smiled too, and suddenly the conversation had taken another direction, a more hopeful one.

Amelia took up on the new topic and squinted her eyes briefly while thinking. "Something long that can be shortened. Like Jessica or Natalia. Jess and Nat. I can't come up with other long names right now that I'm thinking about it."

"There's something about Candace that I like. Or Abigail." Owen told her and her eyes lit up.

"Don't tell me you just came up with those names!"

"I've thought about it. Once or twice," he confessed and she giggled a little, but still the sadness remained upon them.

"When we have kids, you can't put them in a private school. It'll make them stuck up brats and I can't deal with that." She told him and he didn't make a point of her saying 'when' instead of 'if' and instead he allowed himself to be mesmerized by her and the image of them having children together. Because he'd blocked that image one too many times, and to know she might want it as well made him soar. And most of all because of what she had shared with him seconds ago. It had dawned on him a long time ago that they both knew the brightest light emerged from the darkest moments.

"I won't, as long as you let me take them camping. Every kid deserves to go camping."

"Fine, but don't you even think about promise rings because they're ridiculous."

And the wishing, hoping and planning went on and on, until they knew they couldn't escape the reality outside the trailer forever, dressed up and went to work.

xxx

Meredith and Amelia sat on the bench with Bailey on the porch of the Grey-Shepherd house. They had taken turns on reading the boy a story, as he had refused to go to bed unless they read him a story. And just when Meredith was finished the story, the women noticed Meredith's son had fallen asleep. Luckily Meredith and Bailey were wrapped up in a comfortable blanket. Amelia laid down the storybook and watched as Meredith stroked her son's hair gently.

"Cristina's coming to visit." Meredith told Amelia.

It was dark outside, and the clouds gave warning of a rainy week ahead. The porch a spot of light in the darkness, and Amelia let a deep sigh as her eyes wandered on the lights of Seattle. Cristina wasn't something that she'd spoken with Owen that often. Owen had succeeded in telling about his army days without mentioning Cristina's role in getting him well again.

"Amy. Are you okay?"

"I am." Amelia told Meredith as she took a sip of her coffee, not quite sure if she was lying to her sister-in-law or not. "Should we take Bailey to bed? He'll get a flu out here. The nanny is already furious at you for last minute calls, and having a sick kid isn't gonna help."

Meredith squinted at Amelia suspiciously, but didn't push it.

_xxx_

Owen had been meaning to go straight to his trailer after work, but somehow his feet guided him to his girlfriend's house. He walked five flights of stairs and rang the doorbell. It was quiet for a while, and then he heard footsteps. The door opened and the woman that had been on his mind was now in front of him. Owen didn't try to stop himself and dived in for the kiss. He set his left hand on her cheek to control the kiss, and she answered the kiss immediately, her hands finding his strong arms. She, however, was the one to pull away from the kiss first, Owen's head following hers and he rested his forehead against hers for just a second.

"Can I come in?" He asked quietly. Amelia allowed it and closed the door behind him. They still stood by the door, and they subtly checked each other out, simply because they hadn't seen each other since last night, and it was the day when Cristina visited. Amelia was wearing dark clothes, like usually, and they fit her frame perfectly. Her curls seemed a little damp, like she had showered about an hour ago. Owen himself was wearing his jacket and a pair of jeans.

Amelia was looking at him expectantly, and then said, after pouting her lips for a second: "Do you –"

"Look, Amelia, I have to tell you something," Owen said and grabbed her shoulders, gently, but like she was somehow the force holding him together in that moment. "I spent the day with Cristina. And she was still… Cristina. And – and she's doing well in Europe. And seeing her and being with her made me realize that I'm _completely_ in love with Amelia Shepherd." The other corner of her mouth twitched, but she remained silent. "And I thought about you and I couldn't help but… _panic_ about the mere chance that you were here alone, not knowing what was happening… And I just had to come here. I had to. And tell you that I'm so in love with you and I'm not doubting that just because Cristina came to visit."

His head was tilted to the other side as he stared desperately into her eyes. She blinked once, removed his hands from her shoulders and told him calmly, lovingly: "I know. I was just about to ask if you wanted to order Chinese food and spend the night. The people at Mayo sent me a tape of this awesome surgery."

Owen hugged her the moment she finished the sentence and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"I trust you, Owen." She told him, her voice unwavering.

xxx

Several surgeons had gathered by the patient's room to witness an old, rich white dude propose to his ex-wife for the sixth time. His ex's heart attack had inspired him to marry her once again. It had created quite a buzz in the hospital that day, the doctors arguing about whether it was sane and healthy or not.

Amelia's hands were in her pockets as she joined Owen's side to watch the events unfold. She let out a huff as the woman that had just woken up after the surgery said yes and they hugged. Owen smiled as he looked at Amelia. "Don't say you're not approving this."

"I mean… Five times should be enough!" Amelia raised her arms in the air in frustrations as the doctors parted after the exiting part was over. But the couple stayed by the counters. "But at least she didn't have to wait for the proposal forever. I heard they divorced last month. Some people have to wait for ages." The last part was a low murmur, and Owen raised his other eyebrow. He had thought about marrying Amelia, more than once. But so far she hadn't shown signs of wanting to make it happen for real. In his mind, he could see the ring in his trailer, hidden at the back of his kitchen cabinet.

"Well, if the woman wanted to break the expectations of society, she could've proposed to _him_." He noted playfully, and Amelia turned to face him, looking suspicious and a little confused.

"Are you saying that…" she paused and never finished the sentence.

"No." Owen shook his head calmly. He pushed his hands into his pockets. "I am going to do it. I _will_ do it. But I want the time to be right. I waited for the right woman for a very long time, and I think I can wait a little longer to marry her."

"Me too." Amelia nodded, an uncontrollable smile on her face and she apparently couldn't handle because she looked at the floor for a moment before looking up at him, confidence in her eyes. "I'm glad you're on board."

_And life is full of things we can't control  
But the beauty lies, in finding someone wonderful  
Like a full eclipse perfectly aligned, we just fit together_

**AN: I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm Omelia trash so what did you expect? Also the reason I claimed Owen's eyes were grey is that I read that in some other Grey's fic a long time ago. I thought they were blue, but I'm not even sure what colour my eyes are so I decided to go with what I'd been told. I'll correct that mistake when I have time.**

**Lyrics are from Fit Together by Augustana.**


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